Dating Advice for Men? Don’t “Date” – read to learn why.
With so much dating advice online, a lot of men don’t know what information to trust. So here’s the plan: We’re going to give real advice that we know works.
Political correctness is not our priority; because women are attracted to men for what looks like a whole range of reasons …
Some men constantly whine about the lack of a sex life and they blame women for it. Only you are responsible for your own life – only you can make the decision to man up.
But you can’t win if you don’t know the rules. In various societies, the unspoken rules of sexual strategies are deliberately concealed by women, or those in power.
Women can be attracted to guys who are wealthy, famous, powerful, respected, or good-looking. But – usually it has to do with power or status.
Exception: If she thinks she can’t do better. Then she’ll settle – kids, house, shopping- and you’ll provide the funds. Which is why in feminist influenced, developed countries like the US (where women have many options) , women too will first play the field – then settle down later when she’s less attractive, with whichever male provider is desperate enough to get hitched.
It’s about economics and options. Which is also why less attractive girls will talk more about the importance of settling with a nice guy. And why hot chicks will roll their eyes at the tons of nice guys begging and auditioning for a relationship – sleep with hotter/cooler jerks – and then only settle down when they’re past the wall, when they’re older.
Most Women are not angels – they may use all sorts of tactics to get what they want…. they may not admit they are doing it; they may not even know they are doing it.
Bottom line: You don’t want to be the fool left with the bill after an expensive date. Or left alone too many nights with your porn collection, after too many days chasing and pleading.
Even if it looks like the cool jerkboys get the girl, we’re not automatically saying you should do the same. Just that sometimes it works better. And you should read on to learn why.
Some tips and game changers:
- Move fast. Brutal truth: In most cases, you should attempt to sleep with her as soon as possible.
Chivalry is usually promoted by conservative voices in society, to seem like “good people” .Think parents, political correctness at work, or sore-loser male competitors who pretend to be white knights, who would black list a “player” – while secretly jealous they are sexually unsuccessful.
If you let a woman make you wait for sex, then she can make you wait for her total commitment while she considers other men and compare them to you. It’s like you’ve submitted a bid to win her attention, and now the bid stands and she’s free to get higher bids from others.
In a relationship like this, she has power over you. But by sleeping with her quickly, you gain influence over her. And by doing so she can no longer withhold sex to get you to act as she wants and she’s less likely to put you in the friend zone while she considers other options.
Note: You may lose the occasional girl due to her prudishness or the situation – but moving aggressively, screening for good prospects, and broadening your mating/dating pool will do far more for your sex life than a traditional romantic strategy. And if you want a long term relationship, you will have far more influence if you have already banged her – and are not mooning over one girl.
- Looks aren’t everything – but they do help.
Style and confidence. Women wear makeup and clothes to make them look better, and that’s understandable. You too should learn how to wear clothes and get fit. The longer goal to become a genuinely attractive and powerful man. But when you are starting on a path of learning and self-improvement, there’s an element of “fake it til you make it”.
One myth that women protect and project onto you is that you can be yourself and women will love you the way you are. You might get lucky, but we don’t believe in just relying on luck.
- Get used to rejection. Practice makes perfect, and you need to practice your pickup skills with a number of girls. In recent years pickup artists have got a lot of bad press with various stunts and media coverage. But this does not remove the fact that as a man, you still have to approach most of the time.
Some men already have the benefit of authority in a social circle, and are themselves charismatic enough to have women approaching them through those circles. The vast majority of men do not – and social circles are usually a bad place to practice. There are limited attractive women in most circles, and a bad reputation from social fuck-ups in those circles can haunt a guy for too long a time.
So – most guys may need to work on cold approaching in various ways. Fear of rejection is innate in most, but the actual down side is small. See this as a lab experiment; you get tons of feedback on what you are doing, wrong or right.
Getting used to approaching and rejection also prevents you from getting obsessed with putting a single girl up on a pedestal where she can get you to do what she wants. There’s plenty of fish– and women actually have more admiration for the rare men with this mindset.
- It’s actually not the about the date – it’s about attraction: It’s not actually about your lines to ask her out. Those are (initially) useful props.
It’s about creating attraction. It helps to have external moves, but also have real inner confidence, as well as an attractive lifestyle- to become the attractive man. Part of our message is that this CAN be acquired thorough experience – it is just that as a beginner, you may not be able to see this.
It’s also about whether or not she is in a position to be attracted. Sometimes you completely will not be her type even if you have the looks of a smouldering, dark- eyed Armani model. Sometimes there is nothing you can do, so move on: hence the mentality that there are always other girls and options.
Self Improvement, Inner Game and Style
Like we said before, the man usually needs to approach and initiate. Most men are hard wired to feel approach anxiety, or a fear of rejection- this may stem from our ancestors being at risk of getting killed by an enemy or irate tribe member, when attempting to bang a hot female.
In most developed cities this risk is now much reduced; however with technology and corporations reducing the closeness of tribal communities, many guys are now faced with the need to find other ways of getting mates. Inner game or self belief/confidence is sometimes born to a few naturals; but for most, it has to be learnt through experience.
Now the question is – how do you become confident? That’s dependent on your psychological makeup. Usually, however, confidence is helped by 2 things—appearance and success. Looking good gives you validation from others- but it is only with the gradual racking up of success with women, when you KNOW you are an attractive guy.
So here are a few tips to get you started, at least in terms of external areas:
- Dress up. This is usually a good place to start because the changes are instantaneous. You can get a more stylish haircut, and you can improve your wardrobe. The key is to dress up in a way that fits your overall image, and that the women you want to attract also likes. Posture helps too.
- Lose weight. Get rid of that beer belly and work out to gain some definition to your muscles as well.
- You can try to do better at your job or you can get a second job so you’ll have more money. You probably don’t want to splash large amounts of money showing off (though some men do well with this as it naturally complements their lifestyle; think businessman or celeb, though this is more rare)
- Try to learn a new skill that will make you more attractive – for example martial arts, or parkour can have a whole range of interesting benefits as side effects, and not just for the opposite sex. For example, you can learn a new language. In the US, learning Spanish is always an advantage, and helps you talk to women in a lot of countries if you travel. Conversation is usually key in pick up or conventional dating.
Again, we’re not saying that looks and style are the only things that will attract women. It helps obviously, but more importantly, your enhanced appearance and improved finances will make you feel good about yourself—and that feeling is what will build your confidence. In fact, the fact that you’re trying to do better will already help you gain self-confidence.
Basically, you still need to approach girls.
You may also want to try various confidence-building exercises which you can easily find online. You may also want to see a psychologist for some advice if your confidence doesn’t improve no matter what you do (no shame in going to some lengths in improving your life significantly; just be sure not to tell people who do not truly support you).
Talking to women can be a serious problem for some men, and no two-bit list of tips can change that overnight. Just remember that these are the aspects of your life that you can actually control. So improve yourself as best you can.
Did we mention – in the end, you need to actually approach girls? 😉
Where Can You Find Women?
Women are everywhere (unless you live in an extremely repressive society, eg. Some places in the Middle East or Africa; with actual physical constraints in talking to women, or the constant threat of violence). Finding them is usually NOT the problem. Creating attraction, picking the right logistics, and screening for the best prospects – this is usually the challenge.
Traditionally, the best places to meet women are the places where you mostly hang out. That means in your workplace (or in school, if you’re still a student) and in your neighborhood.
There are several advantages to this:
- You bump into them often, so talking to them won’t be so difficult.
- The two of you have a few things in common because you work in the same company or in the same industry, or you live in the same area.
- If you happen to have a good rapport with people in the area, she may have noticed – which creates trust and a status boost for you.
Besides sexual attraction, comfort is important (at the right time); good conversation helps, so common references and topics shared usually helps too.
Social Circles vs Cold Approach
Most men look to their social circles to look for women. This can have good and bad points. In social circles, establishing a strong reputation is usually the key, BEFORE you flirt with or think about dating women.
It is usually best to approach or chat up women in social circles which are less formal or constrained. Being known as the office player or slime-ball can hurt your prospects in many ways.
This aside – get some practice where and when you can.
You can talk to women in your local church groups while you help out in their various charity efforts. If you’re athletic, join a sports club and talk to the women there, or get a gym membership. In tighter social circles like these, you may want to practice having neutral conversations with women, without chatting them up more directly.
How To Approach
If you like to read, talk to women in the library or in book shops. Just say “Hi,” flash a confident smile, and start a conversation.
Parties are also good occasions for finding women you can date. Again in parties you usually know someone in common. Bars are a good place to meet women as well but usually women come to these places in groups, so you’re going to need a group of guys of your own as well.
Other places where you may want to try to strike a conversation include bus stops, airplanes, Laundromats, and grocery stores.
- An easy way to open is the indirect opener; in a neutral way, ask her for directions, or ask if she knows of a better alternative to the current shop or café you are in.
Basically you don’t want to interrogate her about the deeper details about her life. Talk to her about neutral topics in the area, which is a good way to screen her for friendliness – if she really wants to meet a guy she will chat with you.
- A more direct type of opener is the indirect-direct opener. Rather than directly complimenting her (Direct: “I came to talk because you look really beautiful” – this can appear too desperate), the indirect-direct opener is more like a strong, yet verbally ambiguous tease.
A good example would be to compliment and tease her at the same time, based on something personal or situational at the moment. For example: “Hey, I thought you looked kind of cute in that leather jacket, so I came to see if you were some kind of gangster-biker chick”.
This type of skill is more advanced, and is riskier- but also tends to spike attraction in women in a much stronger way. Try this when you feel more confident and experienced perhaps.
Online dating is extremely common nowadays, but the art of creating an attractive profile can be a process that also takes some practice.
There seem to be many advantages to online dating, because the Internet offers tools to help you in your search. You can filter out the characteristics you don’t want in a woman (such as smokers, for example) and women also find it easier to find if you match what their looking for. Besides, you can Google the names you encounter online so you get some background info.
In general, appearances can matter in a huge way, especially on highly visual sites like Tinder. This may be very unhelpful for you if you do not look like a college stud or jock, and do not have a range of Dan Bilzerian lifestyle pictures.
You can also try more conventional sites such as Ok Cupid or Match.com, but in general, the quality or attractiveness of women you meet online will tend to be much lower than if you get decent at cold approach, or have a strong reputation in at least 1 social circle.
Still, online dating can be very convenient, and is likely to expand into more varied forms in the future. It tends to be a way for beginners to hide behind a keyboard and not practice other social skills though, so use it wisely.
To put things bluntly, in most places around the world, being white helps your prospects. It’s not just in the US or UK. However, it may not actually help that much, especially if you do not have your fundamentals of social intelligence learnt well.
Regardless, it helps if you create the most attractive vibe for yourself, and work on your confidence and overall skills. There are likely to be many women who will be eager to hook up with a genuinely attractive man – and that is regardless of race.
“Asking Women Out”
Start a quick conversation:
He who hesitates, masturbates. Just go talk already. Practice makes perfect. You can spark a conversation by complimenting their style and then, quickly introduce yourself.
Where do I go to meet women?
Anywhere, actually. Street approaches seem terrifying but can be a great chance to practice. You can strike up random conversations with strangers. Many people try the bar and club scene, which can also be challenging as girls have their guard up, but you may have more chicks available (this really depends on your city as well.)
If you approach in a grocery store, you can chat about products you need. In a book store, talk about books and authors. Initially, you can use the situation and environment to practice making conversation.
Lead, lead, lead: Try casually suggesting a place which is less noisy, where you can talk to each other. “Hey I know a sweet place, let’s go- it’ll only take 10 minutes”. Women are often turned on by a guy with the confidence to lead.
Don’t get digits, have a plan:
It’s usually not effective if you just get her number. Girls often flake and things crop up. Your goal is to escalate where possible– the odds that she will flake on you decease if you get physical.
Take her to your place or end the conversation:
You may need to chat more to build comfort; but if you spend too long chatting or entertaining her like a dancing monkey, the odds are that attraction will decrease. Grab the chance of taking her to your place before you lose her to a long conversation…
Lead her to a better location: Your aim should be to go out on a date as soon as possible. Ask her to get a drink on the spot, at a nearby place “it will only take ten minutes…”. You actually only want to meet her on a “date” if your schedules and logistics are not good, if you have no choice. Even then, the more lag time you allow, the further away the day of your date is from the time you met her, the higher the chances are that she will cancel for some reason.
If you’re in a bar, the odds are even higher that she will flake if you only get her number. Chicks you meet in bars tend to have zero attention spans the day after. In a bar or club, you’ll want to isolate her or extract her to a more private location.
Getting physical: For beginners, you may be hesitant at moving so fast. Keep things simple. Try to touch her on the arm or upper back first.
Bad boys get the girl: This is tough to explain in depth here, but you have probably observed this. Political correctness be damned – aggression and rebelliousness turn women on. However, you need to adjust the level of this depending on situation or culture.
Also, you don’t want to come across as the nice guy as the girl may have outright contempt for you (as appearing supplicating or too agreeable) – or she may withhold sex as you appear to be a provider. Why bang, if she can delay, keep you hanging on and giving her attention, money and more?
Too cool for school?
At the same time, being alpha is not necessarily about being the loudest guy. When you try to be too cool, you come off really fake. In your quest for self improvement, you may eventually become someone naturally charismatic, or whom most others respect. But until then, try not to try too hard either ; )
Reversals: Let her do the work to make you “boyfriend material”:
If you talk about becoming her boyfriend, or talk about relationships too early, it can reek of desperation, or may cause her to think you have few options of your own. This may not be the case if she herself has fewer options (not a hot chick) or comes from a more traditional culture, but typically, attractive women in the US have plenty of options.
You should hint that you’re not against relationships, just that you’re not in a position to get into one right now.
A man’s life.
So there you go. If you care too much about the approval of others or being a white knight in shining armour, you tend to lose out in the mating game. We do not advocate lying and cheating or casual cruelty – just that you know more about the unspoken rules of dating.
So we hope this boosts your odds, and that you enjoy the best life you can. And if you want to learn more about becoming irresistible to women – or at least as genuinely attractive as possible; you should check out Jason Capital’s attraction program: “Make Women Want You”.
Sounds potentially hyped, but this is good shit. Jason’s training tends to be aimed at attracting hotter younger women (under 26), and his style of energetic conversation is more attuned to approaching in bars and clubs in American or UK cities.
You may need to tone down the energy of your conversation during the day, or when talking to girls from more conservative social circles. However, the fundamentals of what he teaches are universal and relevant to attracting heterosexual women.